Thursday, January 19, 2012

The best things in life are Gluten-Free.

I like to tweet among ultrarunners to get a sense of the important topics in our community, and today they were:

1-Whether or not to run in underwear (Highly contentious. Why are you fighting?)
2-Paula Deen's blood sugar levels.

These are so important, you guys. I just have nothing to contribute.

People are also tweeting about politics.
bAbe Lincoln: off of my penny and into my heart.

Americans love politics, and Americans love freedom. That’s why we visit the Liberty Bell (even though it's cracked) and walk the Freedom Trail (even though Boston is so cold).

I have recently become more free: gluten-free, soy-free, and nut-free. But in this case, the freedom is a guise because I'm actually restricted, and it's non-optional.

Oh, you're actually probably allergic to adventure . . .

There’s nothing truly free about gluten-free. You’re gluten-lessfree, trapped in rice cake prison. Rice cakes are not cakes either. That’s a lie, too, because when you have allergies, everything is a lie. And everything tastes like potatoes because gluten-free is synonymous with the phrase 'we make everything out of potatoes.' They just take potatoes and shape them into the images and likenesses of other foods, and you play along for a while like you haven’t noticed. Potatoes often taste like the dirt they were grown in. I said this once, and my dad answered, "Have you been washing them?" Nope, Dad. I hadn't. Now they taste less like dirt. In summary, when you’re gluten-free, you consume dirt and lies. You’re trapped in a Platonic cave, eating potatoes in the shadows and thinking you’re free. (Wheat bread in this illustration is the Form of the Good.)

On another note, eating correctly has cut my recovery time in half. IN HALF. I've done three track workouts this week and have settled into a routine of high volume, less vigorous cardio, peppered with lifting and core and the accessory workout of shivering in the library. I am learning how to cook new things. I'm less tired, and I feel like myself . . .

. . . Which version?
. . . All of them, to be metaphysically consistent and not propound a bifurcated identity.

But anyway, I am ready to race. That's exciting! And I look forward to Rocky Raccoon 100 in a few weeks.

Good luck, everyone, with your underpants fight.


  1. Yay! Can't wait to follow you at rocky raccoon! I'll be cheering you on and eating rice cakes in your honor!(((hug)))

    1. Thanks, Jenny! I wish I were down there with you all in Virginia.

  2. Not sure how I ended up on your blog but this post made me laugh :)

  3. I'll be timekeeping at Rocky Raccoon! I'll be sure to give you a high five sometime between noon and six.

  4. Hilarious and insightful and brilliant. This blog. And you. :)

  5. This way you also never have to wait for your turn to exercise on your favorite abdominal exercise machines. If you make the choice of exercising from home, you can choose for multiple fitness tools or you can acquire a complete fitness machine that trains the whole body.

  6. Rice cake prison, dirt and lies. I adore you.

    Somehow, I feel your life will be salvageable nonetheless.

    Glad you found a way to alleviate your stomach issues!

  7. I have so many thoughts:
    1. Please tell me you where underwear. That would make crewing for you a whole new experience.
    2. bAbe Lincoln. At first I thought it was a typo. But now I lOve it.
    3. Papa Moran is so wise. I bet you weren't even washing them.
    4. David Braddy made the blog! David Braddy!
    5. I miss you something awful. Come back. Now.

  8. We will have you over for dinner and I will make you an allergen-free meal. This is a plan. For you. And us.

    No underwear. Freedom!

  9. Have you experimented with probiotics and digestive enzymes? I've read enzymes also help with recovery time.

  10. Best of luck this weekend. A win would be a great way to start the year off!

  11. How did I get to this blog? Never mind, very funny!

    Personally I like compression shorts for ultras. Not only do they help the quads, they also prevent chafing. You just have to deal with the smart comments - I wish someone would come up with a new joke, eventually.

  12. I heard you on I had to look you up!
    I too am gluten-free, for a year now. The magic didn't happen in my life that I was hoping, but I do have a sensitivity, because life is better without gluten. I was expecting to lose weight and maybe even experience a little healing for my low thyroid. Nope.... but I do feel better.
    I like Udi's bread. it is the only one that tastes like bread.

    Please tell me how you get by running with asthma. I too, have asthma. Speed work is almost non-existent as it gets me breathing too hard. What do you do to control your asthma?

    I think your running/life story is amazing! thank you for sharing with the rest of us :)

    Lisa - trying to be happy, back of the packer

  13. Just came across your blog... love it! The gluten-free paragraph made me laugh out loud. Now my coworkers are looking at me funny. Cheers!